One Partner Wants More Openness: Navigating Unequal Desires in ENM
- James Matthew
- Jul 25
- 3 min read
This article is also helpful for those couples where only one person wants to be open, the other is reluctant or struggling.
If you’re in a relationship where one partner wants more openness or full polyamory—and the other is comfortable only with swinging or even unsure if they want to be open at all—this article is for you. Searching for terms like “one partner wants non‑monogamy”, “open relationship imbalance”, or “polyamory when partner isn’t ready”? You’re not alone.
Many couples arrive at my door with one partner curious, excited about ENM, or even emotionally involved with someone else—and the other partner: anxious, cautious, or even resistant. Maybe one person initiated opening the relationship and now the other is asking: “Do I even want to be open?”
This is the most common situation I encounter in my ENM practice: an imbalance of desire for openness. This type of imbalance can also affect those who have been practicing non-monogamy for a while. I also see couples wherein one person is now after a different type of openness to what they had been exploring previously. One partner may want full polyamory, emotional intimacy with multiple people; the other might be okay with casual physical encounters only, or feel overwhelmed by jealousy or uncertainty.
Building Security and Communication:
Here’s how we work through it together:
Security tools: practices that strengthen the connection—rituals of reassurance, clear agreements, boundary-setting, and self‑soothing techniques. This helps both partners feel safe whether the relationship stays as-is or opens further.
Communication frameworks: I teach structured conversations—check‑ins, tricks and tools, emotional attunement exercises and more. These tools are effective across cultural backgrounds, gender identities, sexual orientations and relationship styles. They are grounded in my 17 years living and working within ENM communities in London and Sydney.
Clients learn to articulate what they truly need: clarity, limits, emotional safety. Even when one partner desires more openness than the other, couples CAN co-create arrangements that feel respectful and balanced. There is hope. There is a way forward.
Thinking of Getting Help?
If this sounds familiar, I invite you to reach out. I offer consultations (in Sydney or online) to help couples build that sense of security and honest communication—whatever level of openness you want. Book in now for confidential support tailored to your unique background and situation. You can also book a free 15min video call to see if this is a good fit for your situation : D
NOTE: Ethical Non-Monogamy requires a high level of trust, communication, and emotional maturity from all parties involved. It also requires a willingness to challenge traditional notions of monogamy and to confront any societal stigma or discrimination that may arise. It is important to recognise that ethical non-monogamy is not always a solution to problems in a relationship, nor is it a way to escape commitment or responsibility.
Whatever the form of ethical non-monogamy, it is important to establish clear boundaries and agreements. This can include guidelines around safe sex practices, the sharing of emotional and physical intimacy, and the disclosure of other partners. It is also important to establish boundaries around communication and transparency, as well as to prioritise the emotional well-being of everyone involved.
“struggling with partner’s feelings for someone else”, “how to open relationship help, partner wants polyamory, struggling with non-monogamy, mismatched desires, one partner wants open relationship, relationship therapy for ENM, ENM therapist Sydney, polyamory vs swingingcope when partner wants polyamory”, or “non‑monogamy jealousy help”
